Heath - "Funny Looking Man"

Funny looking man.

Merry Christmas everybody. This is the January 2010 column and here we go into another monster year which will see the World Equestrian Games in Kentucky USA in August / September. At the time of this column being released in the news stands the WEG will be some 275 days away. WEG will be a serious focus and goal for most of the top Australian riders in the Olympic disciplines of show-jumping, eventing and dressage. Also at the World Equestrian Games will be four-in-hand driving, vaulting, reining, para-dressage and endurance.

As I sit here contemplating December and just how good I have been this year and just how big a Christmas stocking I need to purchase to hold all the presents I should get from Santa, I can’t help but think that November just gone has been a monster month. Adelaide International three-day-event happened between the 12^th and 15^th of November. Unfortunately for everyone it occurred during heatwave conditions however the organising committee were brilliant in reducing the distance of the cross-country and making available all sorts of cooling considerations such as iced water, misting fans and water sprinklers. The horses finishing the cross-country all pulled up well and were a credit to both riders and organisers. Sadly the cross-country caused unexpected grief in terms of falls, run-outs, retirements and eliminations including eliminating me which I had not expected and I was very disappointed about. At least I got through the dressage this year! Really I don’t want to talk about it but in this magazine there is an Adelaide report with all the results. I think it is worth noting though that all we riders thought the course was going to end up being a time trial. I don’t think the technical delegate was approached by one rider regarding the course being too difficult. So I am sure that the course builder Wayne Copping will be feeling a little confused and perhaps sensitive about the results. Can’t really blame him because none of we riders thought the course was going to cause much trouble either.

The following weekend being the 21^st and 22^nd November was the final Auction of the Stars for this year which was held here at home in Heatherbrae. This is the only ridden auction that we do all year, with all the other auctions throughout the year being primarily weanlings. Funnily enough we have had a blinder of a year as far as the auctions are concerned, breaking all record prices and clearance rates. Top priced horse at our recent Heatherbrae auction was Bradgate Park Magnum fetching over $34,000 (incl GST). Magnum is a full brother to my advanced event horse Mystery Whisper and is equally talented. Magnum is heading up to Queensland.

The Thursday before the Auction of the Stars was the NSW Institute of Sport Awards night. I was embarrassed but I managed to snare the Ian Thorpe Outstanding Achievement Award. As usual I had left it to the last minute to jump out of the indoor school, have a quick shower, throw on some clothes and break all speed records driving to Sydney. Upon getting out of the car and walking to the venue I realised that the sole of my shoe was falling off and so I sort of hobbled to my table pretending nothing was awry. When my award was announced I scuffled up on to the stage thinking nobody would notice. Unfortunately the steps were polished wood and the stage was also wood and my shoe clattered all the way up and across to Alan Jones who was the MC and Ian Thorpe who was presenting the prize. Everyone noticed! A short interview with Alan Jones and then it was across that dreaded timber stage, clattered on down the steps and then right across the room to a corner where all the recipients were getting their photographs taken. I was gallantly staggering across pretending to be a stroke victim when that bloody sole completely let go and I had one leg two inches shorter than the other. It seemed like the whole room of 500 athletes was watching and I didn’t flinch, just kept my head up and kept walking. Once I got to the designated photo shoot I turned around to see Ian Thorpe approaching me. In his hand he had that sole from my shoe and in a very discreet and polite way asked me if this was mine. I was so embarrassed and was so tempted to say I had never seen it before. Talk about get remembered for all the wrong reasons. Talking about getting embarrassed I have been selling breeding packages or shares in Regardez Moi which have been selling well. Anyhow I had a phone call from Tasmania and this lady started asking me all about the package. I told her that all the conditions and goals and philosophies were up on my website and perhaps the most sensible thing to do was to have a look at that and then come back to me with any other questions she may have. To this the lady said that they were in a remote area of Tasmania without internet access and could I please do an explanation over the phone. She also explained that she was asking all of these questions on behalf of her 16 year old daughter who was listening in to the conversation. So with that I launched into this wonderful sales pitch which was nothing short of brilliant. Upon pausing for a moment to catch my breath the lady edged in a question very politely saying “I know he probably has a wonderful temperament but how quiet is he?”, without drawing breath I immediately blurted out that Regardez Moi had been ridden by Breanna Tilitzki since she was 12 years of age and that she now was 18. I had meant to then qualify this comment and add that I rode and campaigned Regardez Moi and that Bree would hack the horse out for an hour each day. Before I could add this however, the lady said “that’s funny, in the photo I have of the stallion in front of me right this moment there is a funny looking man riding him.” As quick as a flash I replied “yes, that would be me!”  Well with that there was a distinctive crash as her 16 year old daughter obviously fell off her chair and then very clearly in the distance I could here this distressed wail of “oh mum!” The lady instantly recognised her terrible mistake and stuttered and said “oh not that….” ”I didn’t mean….” And then finally “oh my goodness!” I could see me losing a sale here if I didn’t do something quickly so I just kept going as though I hadn’t registered what had been said and managed to get a name and address with a promise of mailing all the information to them. The conversation finished very shortly after that. On hanging up I thought this was hugely funny and immediately yelled the story out to all my staff who promptly fell about the stables laughing and laughing and laughing until I started to get a bit self-conscious and told them it wasn’t that funny. So I am a bit sensitive and still recovering from being called a “funny looking man”.

Happy New Year everybody and here’s to a few less embarrassing moments in 2010.

Cheers,

Heath