Regardez Moi sets Tamworth on fire

Regardez Moi is in the middle of a very busy schedule on many fronts right now. On Friday 16th October we travelled to Tamworth to compete in a Fancy Dress Freestyle Competition which was being put on for the public by those producers extraordinaire - Heath Harris and Suzy Jarratt. To give this competition more scope many of the more conventional restrictions had been lifted and I felt that seeing as my music was from the Pirates of the Carribean that this theme would be relatively easy and fun to exploit. Working here with Rozzie and I at the Newcastle Equestrian Centre are two distinctive working pupil groups, one group that specialises in straight Dressage and the other group which specialises in Eventing and the odd weirdo that tries to do both! I recruited the Dressage working pupils, all 5 of them, into being dressed up as pirates with pirate hats, swords with flashing lights, earings and shoe polish beards. Did you know that shoe polish really burns on sensitive skin and lips! Friday morning we brainstormed some special effects like I had this vision of the pirates doing a quadrille for four minutes in the dark prior to Regardez Moi starting the real deal. The performance was scheduled for 10pm. A scene setter! We needed real pirate flares with lots of fire to enhance the effect. Friday morning Gordon, who is sixteen and on school work experience was designated expolsives expert and  flares ideas man. He had a litle help from my next door neighbour Alan Jennings who was fairly horrified when he realised what we were doing. Anyhow to cut a long story short long tomato stakes with rag wrapped around the end soaked in petrol make the most amazing "raiders of the lost ark" type flares. Bloody brilliant. So off to Tamworth we all went. Rozzie also competed on Jive Magic to her new Australiana music which incorporated some amazing versions of "Waltzing Matilda"  This freestyle went over brilliantly and really reved the crowd up. We were last to go, Regardez Moi, me and the five dressage pirates with burning shoe polish lips! As Gordon and the four girls, Ninx, George, Wendy and Bree, busily organised the flares and also the surprise Treasure Chest right next to the IN gate one of the cowboys (there were some 20 of them involved in other acts all hanging over the IN gate to the magnificent Indoor School making derogatory comments about dressage riders) asked rather sternly " that's not petrol youv'e got there is it?" The girls looked at him and said " of course not - do you think we are stupid or something?" So the pirate music commenced, it was dark music and all the lights were turned out. The five pirates lit their flares shouldered their way through the 20 cowboys and danced their way around the 20 x 60 dressage arena in a quadrille type performance. The quadrille was highlighted by intermitent pirate-like growls "har, har har". The four and half minute performance came to a crashing finale as the pirates danced around a Treasure Chest at "X" in the middle of the Dressage Arena and on cue they all put their flaming flares into the middle where the Treasure Chest lay. Well this is where things started to go pear shaped! With a woosh an inferno of flames burst out of the chest and reached some 20 feet into the air. I was flabbergasted - as I was warming up Regardez Moi outside the arena but trying to watch over the IN  gate at the same time. On asking Gordon later what the heck happended he said that they had experimented with  a small container of petrol in the Treasure Chest and some old hay. However on the night he had thought it might be a good idea just to double up on the petrol and hay for the real performance! Oh my god! There were five pirates with singed eyebrows, pirate hats on fire and little spot fires in the clothing. Oh god! The next step was the grabbing of four ropes some four metres in lengths which had been attached to the four corners of the Treasure Chest and carefully lifting the towering inferno/treasure chest and then racing it out through the gate. Good idea but the fire was so intense that all the ropes caught on fire as well. Initially the ropes held and the pirates sprinted the Treasure Chest to the exit but that was as far as the ropes managed to hold together. The Treasure Chest dropped to the ground and spilt the remaining litres of petrol over the ground straight into the bunched 20 cowboys. Of course this petrol was all on fire and so there were rivers of fire that spread out right across the exit. The first of the cowboys to meet the rivers of fire tried to stamp them out but of course the petrol splashed over their boots which also caught on fire. Have you ever seen 20 cowboys goose stepping with boots on fire screaming out profanities? The cowboys scattered going in every single direction possible! Now, the music co- ordinator was immediately over the top of the IN gate/exit and so couldn't see the absolute disaster that was unfolding. His cue to start the music for Regardez Moi was the exit of the pirates so he duly did. Now my Freestyle music had started and between me and the dressage arena was a wall of fire. I knew I had just a few seconds to get in there before the music was too advanced for me to follow it with my practised choreography. There was nothing for it and I charged Regardez Moi straight through the wall of fire. What a horse, he didn't blink an eyelid and hit Passage down the centreline in perfect step with the music. My five pirates were also part of the choreography and although the idea of charging through a wall of fire on foot was at first somewhat daunting, one look at the 20 cowboys who were starting to regroup and scream "put the fire out, put the fire out" mixed up with lots of swear words pretty well convinced my five pirates that the wall of fire was the better option and came pounding through straight after me. Regardez Moi did one of his best Freestyles ever and the pirates intermitently bolted across the arena having momentary duels and sword fights before bolting back out of sight outside the 20 x 60 dressage arena. The finale was a massive 5 way pirate sword fight followed by Regardez Moi Passaging down the centreline with five pirates in a line Passaging along side him. The pirates were still swatting at small spot fires in their clothing. Halt , salute and the pirates all bowed. The crowd thought it was fantastic and clapped and cheered with great enthusiasm. The five pirates dashed out around the arena on their way to the exit showering the crowd with chocolate gold coins the type which appear in abundance at Christmas time. The pirate gold glinted in the lights and the kids in the audience were screaming out to the pirates. On getting out through the exit I realised that the crowd had been oblivious to all our miscues and their enthusiasm for the performance had sort of given us a little bit of protection but I also realised that reality was going to dawn very soon and that probably the best course of action for us all was to load up and get the heck out of there before occupational health and safety etc etc caught up with us! It was just the best story but one that I am sorry to say is never to be reopeated again. Just a footnote - singed eyebrows, afro hairstyles and burnt holes in our pirate outfits was the only damage. We were lucky.